The Day We Got Her Back

And speaking of anniversaries, today is another one. Technically, the happier anniversary is on June 12, but since today is also relevant, I decided to post it now.

Twenty-one years ago today, I went to pick up my two year old daughter at her father's and discovered the house was empty. Her father was facing battery charges brought by me and he also knew I was going to challenge the existing joint custody agreement so he decided to award custody to himself.

This post is not about the miserable 9 months when she was gone; the days I wondered how I'd get through one more hour without her, the day the taunting letter arrived, the days I had to force myself to go to work so I could afford the costs of searching for her, the day the ex called to tell me I'd be sorry and probably never see her again. No, this post is about the day we got her back.

Nine months to the day after I found that empty house, I got a call from a friend who had been receiving phone calls from my ex. The FBI was recording those calls and had discovered where my daughter was being kept. This particular evening, my friend had just gotten a call from the ex saying he was in jail and Debra was in foster care. I immediately called the local FBI to speak to the agent assigned to my case. The agent said he knew nothing but would check it out and call me back. I paced the floor until the phone rang. It was true; FBI agents in Maryland had arrested my ex and had picked up my daughter. I could fly to Baltimore and get her at the foster care home. Hallelujah!

My mom and I made a mad dash to the airport. Crap. We missed the flight out by 5 minutes and would have to wait for 5 more hours for the next flight. We drove over to the house of my phone tap friend and waited - and cried and laughed. We also called friends and family to tell them that the day many of them thought might never come had really arrived. And then, at last, I was able to fly through Denver to Baltimore. During the Denver layover, I called the foster home and begged them to make sure no one but me picked up my baby. The woman assured me that even if my ex got out of jail there was no way he'd know where my daughter was.

When I got to Baltimore, I grabbed a cab and gave the driver the address. He warned me it was going to be a long and pricey drive across the bridge during rush hour. I told him I didn’t care, just get me there. If I could have paced in the cab I would have. The cab driver was chatty and wanted to hear all about my daughter and my search so that helped the time pass. The ride cost about $40. I gave him $60 before I raced up the front porch steps to the foster home.

The foster mom met me at the door and told me my daughter was downstairs. As I rushed toward those stairs she stopped me and told me to calm down. "Remember, she's had a tough day and you might be a stranger to her now. Slow down. Don't scare her." So I forced myself to walk slowly down the stairs. The foster mom's words echoed my own fears. What if she doesn't know who I am? What will I do?

Debra was at a long table in the basement room. Her head was on a pillow and she was facing away from me. She had a bottle in her mouth and she was twisting her hair with her free hand. I had watched her twisting that hair almost every night of her life before she was taken away. I walked around the table and approached her slowly.

"Debra? Debra, it's Mommy."

She took the bottle out of her mouth and looked up at me. Then she sat up and lifted her arms toward me. "Mama!" I picked her up and felt her arms wrap tightly around my neck. She put her head on my shoulder and hung on.

I cried. And hugged her as tightly as I could without squishing her.

Then she looked up at me and said, "Are you my new mommy or my old mommy?" Later we discovered her dad had told her the 'old' mommy died and they would find a 'new' mommy.

I answered her, "I'm your only mommy."

A Mother's Tale

A Mother's Tale
You might not understand this story unless you are a parent.


Last week my daughter, Debra traveled to San Diego for work. She called me the day before her trip and told she was flying to SD and then driving up to Los Angeles and then flying home. I wasn't sure about all the dates, she just called so I'd know she might not be online or available by phone. She didn't want me to worry. She knows I'm a worrier.

Friday, on the way home from work, I thought of something I wanted to tell Deb so I called her. I was surprised when a man answered the phone and said "how you'd like to wake up to that every day?" I thought I must have the wrong number but I had used the speed dial. I looked at the screen on the phone and it said "connected - Debra cell." I spoke into the phone, "hello.. hello?" I heard a response, "I can hardly hear you." So I hung up and tried again. The phone went immediately to Deb's voice mail. I redialed. Voicemail. Again. Voicemail.

At that point, I started to worry. And the crazy mother that lives in my head started coming up with possible scenarios. Perhaps Debra had lost her cell phone. But if she'd lost the phone, she'd probably call the phone company and have the phone disabled. Or she would have called me and told me the phone was missing. Unless she didn't know yet it was missing. Maybe that was it. But maybe it was worse than that. Maybe someone had abducted her on her trip from San Diego and now she was captive. I wasn't sure why her captor would answer the phone but obviously he had realized his mistake and had disabled the phone. After several attempts to call and only getting voicemail I left a message telling Debra that some man had answered her phone and I was worried so she should call me as soon as possible. Then there was nothing I could do but go home and wait. I realized I don't have her boyfriend's phone number but I did log on the computer hoping he was online. AIM indicated he'd been idle for 30 minutes. So I waited and worried and tried to decide just when I should phone the police and tell them my daughter had been abducted....

Finally after about a hour (20 hours in Mom time) Debra called. She'd been on a plane the entire time I'd been calling her. No one knows who the mystery man was. I had used speed dial to call and there were no other numbers in my phone log so I suppose the wires just got crossed. For now the hysterical mother that lives just below the surface of my normally rational being has gone back into hiding. But she'll be back. I'm sure of that. And if you're a parent you understand perfectly.

The Blogging Blues

It seems no one has much time for blogs these days.

I haven't posted much either or even commented much on the blogs that I usually read. Maybe it is the May blahs. Or maybe people really have to work.

I was in Reno for two days of training and now that I'm back I have to catch up. It is a good thing I can multi-task. But blogging will have to take a back seat. The funny thing is I have time to blog on the weekends but blogging doesn't seem to be a weekend activity.

I woke up this morning
Didn't know what to blog
The web didn't help me
My mind's in a fog

I got the B L O G writin' blues

Posted by susan at May 21, 2004 09:25 AM


Comments:

I woke up this morning
Didn't know what to blog
The web didn't help me
My mind's in a fog

I got the B L O G writin' blues
Just no time to share my views
Don't have no int'resting personal news
I've got the B L O G writin' blues

My boss said I'm not motivated
To do all my work
But I don't have a desire
To say any more about that jerk

I got the B L O G writin' blues
Just no time to share my views
Don't have no int'resting personal news
I've got the B L O G writin' blues

Posted by: John at May 21, 2004 12:37 PM