A New One Just Begun

So far 2005 feels a lot like 2004. I haven't made the traditional resolutions. I'm thinking about making a resolution to have a resolution for each month this year. "They" say it takes 21 days to implement a new habit so I'm considering testing that by creating a new habit every month. So far my list looks like this:

1. Eat more veggies and fruit


2. Exercise regularly


3. Start a new hobby


4. Start learning a language


5. Be kinder


6. Scrapbook


7. Manicure my nails regularly


8. Keep my office organized


9. Volunteer

I know that is only nine. I will think of another three before the end of 2005. I'll start January by eating more fruits and veggies. That one should be easy with a little planning because I really like most fruits and vegetables.

I did not drive out to see the fireworks in LV last night. I did stay up late watching TV and waiting for the new year. I did better than most years. Usually I leave the TV on and the noise of all the revelers wakes me up at midnight. This year I was awake at midnight and didn't fall asleep until the fireworks were over.

Today I'm just enjoying the second day of my three day weekend. I plan to stay home watching a Monk marathon and, while I'm watching, go through lots of papers I've let pile up over the past few months. And I'll finish taking pictures of my new countertop so I can upload the pictures for tomorrow's blog.

The Day We Got Her Back

And speaking of anniversaries, today is another one. Technically, the happier anniversary is on June 12, but since today is also relevant, I decided to post it now.

Twenty-one years ago today, I went to pick up my two year old daughter at her father's and discovered the house was empty. Her father was facing battery charges brought by me and he also knew I was going to challenge the existing joint custody agreement so he decided to award custody to himself.

This post is not about the miserable 9 months when she was gone; the days I wondered how I'd get through one more hour without her, the day the taunting letter arrived, the days I had to force myself to go to work so I could afford the costs of searching for her, the day the ex called to tell me I'd be sorry and probably never see her again. No, this post is about the day we got her back.

Nine months to the day after I found that empty house, I got a call from a friend who had been receiving phone calls from my ex. The FBI was recording those calls and had discovered where my daughter was being kept. This particular evening, my friend had just gotten a call from the ex saying he was in jail and Debra was in foster care. I immediately called the local FBI to speak to the agent assigned to my case. The agent said he knew nothing but would check it out and call me back. I paced the floor until the phone rang. It was true; FBI agents in Maryland had arrested my ex and had picked up my daughter. I could fly to Baltimore and get her at the foster care home. Hallelujah!

My mom and I made a mad dash to the airport. Crap. We missed the flight out by 5 minutes and would have to wait for 5 more hours for the next flight. We drove over to the house of my phone tap friend and waited - and cried and laughed. We also called friends and family to tell them that the day many of them thought might never come had really arrived. And then, at last, I was able to fly through Denver to Baltimore. During the Denver layover, I called the foster home and begged them to make sure no one but me picked up my baby. The woman assured me that even if my ex got out of jail there was no way he'd know where my daughter was.

When I got to Baltimore, I grabbed a cab and gave the driver the address. He warned me it was going to be a long and pricey drive across the bridge during rush hour. I told him I didn’t care, just get me there. If I could have paced in the cab I would have. The cab driver was chatty and wanted to hear all about my daughter and my search so that helped the time pass. The ride cost about $40. I gave him $60 before I raced up the front porch steps to the foster home.

The foster mom met me at the door and told me my daughter was downstairs. As I rushed toward those stairs she stopped me and told me to calm down. "Remember, she's had a tough day and you might be a stranger to her now. Slow down. Don't scare her." So I forced myself to walk slowly down the stairs. The foster mom's words echoed my own fears. What if she doesn't know who I am? What will I do?

Debra was at a long table in the basement room. Her head was on a pillow and she was facing away from me. She had a bottle in her mouth and she was twisting her hair with her free hand. I had watched her twisting that hair almost every night of her life before she was taken away. I walked around the table and approached her slowly.

"Debra? Debra, it's Mommy."

She took the bottle out of her mouth and looked up at me. Then she sat up and lifted her arms toward me. "Mama!" I picked her up and felt her arms wrap tightly around my neck. She put her head on my shoulder and hung on.

I cried. And hugged her as tightly as I could without squishing her.

Then she looked up at me and said, "Are you my new mommy or my old mommy?" Later we discovered her dad had told her the 'old' mommy died and they would find a 'new' mommy.

I answered her, "I'm your only mommy."

A Mother's Tale

A Mother's Tale
You might not understand this story unless you are a parent.


Last week my daughter, Debra traveled to San Diego for work. She called me the day before her trip and told she was flying to SD and then driving up to Los Angeles and then flying home. I wasn't sure about all the dates, she just called so I'd know she might not be online or available by phone. She didn't want me to worry. She knows I'm a worrier.

Friday, on the way home from work, I thought of something I wanted to tell Deb so I called her. I was surprised when a man answered the phone and said "how you'd like to wake up to that every day?" I thought I must have the wrong number but I had used the speed dial. I looked at the screen on the phone and it said "connected - Debra cell." I spoke into the phone, "hello.. hello?" I heard a response, "I can hardly hear you." So I hung up and tried again. The phone went immediately to Deb's voice mail. I redialed. Voicemail. Again. Voicemail.

At that point, I started to worry. And the crazy mother that lives in my head started coming up with possible scenarios. Perhaps Debra had lost her cell phone. But if she'd lost the phone, she'd probably call the phone company and have the phone disabled. Or she would have called me and told me the phone was missing. Unless she didn't know yet it was missing. Maybe that was it. But maybe it was worse than that. Maybe someone had abducted her on her trip from San Diego and now she was captive. I wasn't sure why her captor would answer the phone but obviously he had realized his mistake and had disabled the phone. After several attempts to call and only getting voicemail I left a message telling Debra that some man had answered her phone and I was worried so she should call me as soon as possible. Then there was nothing I could do but go home and wait. I realized I don't have her boyfriend's phone number but I did log on the computer hoping he was online. AIM indicated he'd been idle for 30 minutes. So I waited and worried and tried to decide just when I should phone the police and tell them my daughter had been abducted....

Finally after about a hour (20 hours in Mom time) Debra called. She'd been on a plane the entire time I'd been calling her. No one knows who the mystery man was. I had used speed dial to call and there were no other numbers in my phone log so I suppose the wires just got crossed. For now the hysterical mother that lives just below the surface of my normally rational being has gone back into hiding. But she'll be back. I'm sure of that. And if you're a parent you understand perfectly.

The Blogging Blues

It seems no one has much time for blogs these days.

I haven't posted much either or even commented much on the blogs that I usually read. Maybe it is the May blahs. Or maybe people really have to work.

I was in Reno for two days of training and now that I'm back I have to catch up. It is a good thing I can multi-task. But blogging will have to take a back seat. The funny thing is I have time to blog on the weekends but blogging doesn't seem to be a weekend activity.

I woke up this morning
Didn't know what to blog
The web didn't help me
My mind's in a fog

I got the B L O G writin' blues

Posted by susan at May 21, 2004 09:25 AM


Comments:

I woke up this morning
Didn't know what to blog
The web didn't help me
My mind's in a fog

I got the B L O G writin' blues
Just no time to share my views
Don't have no int'resting personal news
I've got the B L O G writin' blues

My boss said I'm not motivated
To do all my work
But I don't have a desire
To say any more about that jerk

I got the B L O G writin' blues
Just no time to share my views
Don't have no int'resting personal news
I've got the B L O G writin' blues

Posted by: John at May 21, 2004 12:37 PM

Look, It's A Bomb

Last Wednesday, during my trip to SF, Debra had to work so I decided to go to MOMA in SF to see the Marc Chagal exhibition. Unfortunately MOMA is closed on Wednesday. So I went to lunch at the Thirsty Bear and enjoyed grilled shrimp (Gambas al Ajillo) and a selection of cheeses with fruit and some delicious sangria. Then I went across the street to the Yerba Buena Gardens and sat in the sun reading Memoirs of a Geisha (great book!). I went into the Sony Metreon to look around and then it was time to pick Debra up at the Caltrain. As I left the building I heard someone over the loud speaker saying "Please evacuate the park there has been an emergency". Everyone was streaming out of the park and the nearby buildings. I asked another passerby what was going on and she said there was a bomb scare! So I hurried toward the parking lot to get my car and get the heck out. I marveled that unlike me, most people were gathing in groups as close as they could get the to the scene - as close as the police and fire personnel would let them. There were firetrucks and police cars and a bomb truck.

It turned out to be a hoax but I still wondered at people wanting to be near the "action". Having experienced the Henderson Pepcon explosion and seen the damage that blast waves caused miles from the explosion, I had no desire to be near if there really was a bomb.

I'm Blogging (first post revisited)

Yahoo. My own blog page! I'm so excited...I just can't hide it. Thanks to Kat I'm joining the blogging community today. BUT .. I told some friends "look I have a blog" and they said "what's a blog?" - how anticlimatic. So here's an article about blogging. Now you can check in, see what I'm thinking and even comment on it. Isn't that great!? Like I said, Kat set me up - THANK YOU KAT! She has a great blog Not only is Kat a unix guru for us, she's also SO creative. She's an inspiration. She used 'movabletype' for this - says it's easy. I don't know about that but she sure got me up and running (gotta also thank Tom for getting us the requisite utilities) quickly.


Posted by susan at September 3, 2003 03:12 PM

Comments
ooh the blog looks WAY cool!
Posted by: kat at September 3, 2003 03:17 PM

You are so cool. I want to be just like you.
Posted by: Jennifer Pascoe at September 3, 2003 03:41 PM
I know! Everybody wants to be like me.
Posted by: susan at September 3, 2003 03:43 PM

does that make me an enabler?
Posted by: kat at September 3, 2003 05:21 PM

uh-oh! something happened to the format. i'll have to check w/ my guru tomorrow. maybe i broke it!!!
Posted by: susan at September 3, 2003 06:38 PM

WHAT ARE YOU ALL TALKING ABOUT?
HI EVERYONE
Posted by: Debbie at September 3, 2003 09:52 PM

Once again, my OLDER sister is light years ahead of me with the new trends. (Note: light years = 2 years, five months, 3 days). Is it jealousy and sibling rivalry that makes me ponder this age old question:
Why does a dog lick his, um, genatalia?
Answer: Because he can!
If you could do that, wouldn't you spend a fair amount of time doing it rather than, say, ANYTHING else?
Is this what blogging is about? Is that the answer to Debbie's question, "What are you all talking about?"
Is blogging an advancement in society or just a new thing?
I don't know. But I do know that I can ramble on here about it and my OLDER sister can't make me shut up. Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah.
Please keep in mind that I write this with tongue in cheek --- because it doesn't reach any farther than that.

Posted by: John at September 4, 2003 05:01 AM

Actually, it's jealousy. Sue has always been way cooler than me (way cooler than I?).
Anyway, here's a question for all you bloggers:
Many countries opposed the US war against Iraq. Should those countries be allowed to participate in a UN effort to rebuild Iraq?
If you think not, doesn't this pose a problem, since the Iraqis opposed the war? How do we get them out of there?
Just wondering.

Posted by: John at September 4, 2003 05:15 AM

i think an important question is whether or not bush and cheney's friends, i mean favorite companies should be allowed to "help rebuild iraq."
Posted by: kat at September 4, 2003 07:00 AM

I'm jealous. I want to blog too. Or clog. I think clogging would be fun. Then I could blog about my clogging.
Posted by: Suzanne at September 4, 2003 08:40 AM

Lumberjacks like to do that type of dance. Sometimes you have to get out the whip to make them stop and get back to cutting trees.
Now I'm blogging about flogging clogging loggers.
Posted by: john at September 4, 2003 09:49 AM

To find out what blogging is, I took the link you gave to CNN discussion. The commentator enthusiasticly equates popular with good, and lauds the system which causes the sites with the most hits to rise to the top like cream. I would remind him that popular items in the middle ages were public hangings, in Roman times Christians vs lions and three generations ago in Germany Hitler Youth Groups.

Posted by: Bill at September 4, 2003 10:40 AM

I will only use my blog for good! But I hope it is popular too!
Posted by: susan at September 4, 2003 10:51 AM

Susan--your brother is funny!!! :)
Just dropping in to say hi. I'm Kathryn's friend from LA. Today's my birthday, but that's not a shameless ploy to get you to say Happy Birthday. It's just a way for me to tell you a little about myself. I blog, too. I, too, am annoyed with people who don't know what blogging is --get with the program, people!
Posted by: JennySmith at September 4, 2003 11:50 AM

Happy Birthday Jenny. Nice to meet you. Kat gave me an assignment to create my 100 things about me list so that will be my next blog...well that and the story about my brother being a girl...stay tuned.
Posted by: Susan at September 4, 2003 12:14 PM >