Sunday, November 7, 2010

Don't Go, Breakin' My Heart

It's been just two weeks since my sweet Diva died so suddenly. I'm still not used to coming home to an empty house. And the nights are tough when she doesn't come running to perform nightly ablutions. Several people have suggested that I get myself another kitten (or two) to help heal and to fill my house with kitty joy. But, at least for the next few years, I'm not going to do that.

I told Diva a few months back that she would be my last kitty. Partly because she has really been my favorite. I've loved my other cats but Diva was somehow special. Maybe because she really was mine from day one. Debra was at college when we got her and, even though Debra picked her out, Diva bonded with me. She loved Debra and Debra loved her but Diva and I were the ones who lived together. 95% of the time, Diva and I were on our own.

Another reason is that I realize not having a pet will provide some new freedom. I no longer have to think about who will take care of my pet when I go out of town. For the first time in many years, I am not responsible for any other living being. I don't have to change the litter, check for water or make a run to the store for cat food. No vet bills and no worrying when I'm out of town. I've been hesitant to go away for more than five days at a time; when Diva was well I worried about her being left at the house alone and when she got sick I worried about leaving her at the vet. Now, I can take off at the drop of a hat and not come home until I'm ready.

The last reason is that I just can't contemplate having another animal die on me. I've cried every day for the past two weeks and, though I know it gets better, I'm not ready to have my heart broken again.

So for now, it's just me and the dust bunnies. Unless, of course, one of you comes to visit.

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